Wake Up
by rotclady
Summary: "Even at a time like this his brain was still making jokes. If Kensi could hear his thoughts right now she'd probably smack him for being so ridiculous. He wished that they could- Then the trigger was pulled." Post Season 4 Finale.
1. Chapter 1

Weakness. Darkness. Exhaustion.

Was it weak of him to want to curl up and die right now?  
He already had the curling up part down.

But no. He promised Kensi.

_Kensi._  
Strength. Sunshine.  
He laughed inwardly. _Gunpowder._

God, he was going crazy. He needed to get out of here.

He needed to see the light. The sunshine. _His_ sunshine.

The door to his room opened.  
Due to his over turned chair, Deeks has been staring at the ceiling for the last couple hours. The terrorist stared down at him with a twisted smile and put a heavy foot on his stomach.

They were questioning him again.  
He'd been tied to this chair for 2 days? 3 days? A week?

Hell if he knew.  
Same questions. Over and over again.  
_Getting really annoying._

Every time Deeks didn't respond to his question, extra pressure was applied to his stomach from this man's combat boot. There was a loud crack and pain whipped through Deeks' body. He tried not to show this bastard how much pain he was in, but he couldn't help but let out a hiss of agony.

His captor pulled his chair back up to its upright position and punched him in the face.

Every movement Deeks tried to make, or was made for him, sent more shocks of pain through him. Every part of him throbbing. He imagined his face a big, bloody, black and blue mess. He couldn't even open his eyes from the swelling.

Sometimes the pain was so severe, he'd just pass out.

Was he passed out now?  
Was he now just dreaming of this torture?  
_Wouldn't be the first time._

Over the time he'd been here, he'd had multiple dreams of being beaten. His dad even made a couple appearances in those nightmares.

But then, there were also the dreams of being rescued. In his opinion, those were worse than the torture dreams because he'd awaken, expecting to be in a hospital room, but instead he'd still be in this shit cellar.  
They seemed so real, Kensi and the rest of the team bursting in, guns a-blazing. His favorite was when Hetty just walked in with a grenade launcher and blasted these guys to Timbuktu.

His captors were talking again. But not to him. To each other.  
"They're useless," one said. "Even if they wanted to talk, they wouldn't be able to."

Unfortunately, that was very true. Deeks doesn't know what they did with his mouth in his first couple hours of being tortured, but now it felt like a raw mess. He was sure he was missing a couple teeth too.

"Kill him," the other said. Who was him? Sam? Or _him_? "We may still be able to get information out of the other."

_Who was 'him?'_ Deeks was panicking. He promised her. He couldn't. He said-

"My pleasure." A barrel of a gun was pressed against Deek's chest.

He was 'him.'  
He took a deep breath and couldn't help but think Kensi was going to kill him for getting himself killed. Even at a time like this his brain was still making jokes. If Kensi could hear his thoughts right now she'd probably smack him for being so ridiculous. He wished that they could-  
The trigger was pulled.

He wanted to scream but his body just didn't have the energy. His throat constricted, making it harder to breathe with each passing second.

A door burst open.  
"N-C-I-S!" He heard someone yell. A woman. Kensi.

Oh, so this _was_ another dream, he thought as his brain started to get fuzzier. One of the rescue ones. He felt a little relieved even though he knew he'd just wake up to more torture eventually. At least he wasn't _really_ going to die. At least, not right now.

More gunshots and yelling.

He could feel his warm blood starting to pool in his lap and drip on the floor.

He felt someone untying the binds at his wrist and feet. He wanted to respond, to see her, even if it was just a dream, but his lungs seemed to be refusing to cooperate.

"Deeks." Kensi whispered in a frightened tone.

He wished he'd wake up now. He didn't like to hear her hurt.  
He, also, was in excruciating pain that he wished to leave behind in dreamland.

_Wake up, _he thought,hoping pure will was enough to make it happen.

"Eric, where are the medics?! He needs help!" she sounded hysterical.

_Wake up!_

~X~X~X~X~X~

**A/N: Being an engineering major now, this was somewhat difficult to write, haha, but I really wanted to write this little story that just would not get out of my head after I saw the finale. More of a drabble than an actual story though, but whatever. And I'm not sure if I'll continue it or not, I guess it depends on the response I get. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Eric, where are the medics?! He needs help!" Kensi yelled hysterically.

"They should be there." he responded, sounding equally panicked.

As if on cue the medics burst into the room. A couple ran towards Sam's room while 3 other medics sprinted towards Deeks.

Kensi felt useless as she stepped back to let the paramedics do their job. She stared blankly at the scene unfolding in front of her. Blood was seeping through the fingers of the paramedic applying pressure to his bullet hole while another medic was poking and prodding Deeks in random places then shouting out random medical jargon that Kensi was clueless to understanding. Finally after what felt like forever, but couldn't have been more than a minute, they lifted Deeks on a gurney and wheeled him out of the horrid building.

If the team just left a minute earlier, or drove a little faster, they could've prevented that gun shot. If he died because of that- no, don't think like that. He'll be fine. He promised. He couldn't die. Not after she was finally letting him in. Not after she was finally trusting someone more than she ever has before. And especially not after what happened two days ago (_which now feels like a lifetime ago)_. He finally "communicated" to her how he felt. Three years worth of pent up emotions flowed through them in that kiss and the intense stare afterwards. The stare where she could see how much she meant to him in his deep blue eyes. She could not let the last thing she said to him be "I got to stay with Michelle." She needed to finish that "conversation."

"I'm going with you guys." She demanded to the medics once they were outside.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but we need to start working on him immediately. There won't be room."

"But-"  
"I'm sorry." and they shut the ambulance doors and drove away.

Kensi spun around analyzing what was going on around her. Trying to stay composed. Breathing heavy.

There was Sam coming out of the building on a gurney with Michelle gripping his hand.  
For being one of the most physically built guys she knew, Kensi couldn't help but think he looked weak. As they were loading him into the remaining ambulance and Michelle was climbing in after him, Kensi could see a couple cuts and bruises scattered across his face.  
But not nearly as much blood that Deeks displayed.

Oh God, so much blood.  
She choked on her breath.  
Not only was there blood where they shot him, but on his hands and arms and face. Just _everywhere._

She felt like she couldn't breathe. What if she never saw those blue eyes again? What if she never got to really tell him what he meant to her?

She shook her head, _stop thinking like that._ She took a deep breath and tried distracting herself.

That distraction came in the form of Callen escorting Isaac Sidorov into a neighboring police car.

_Why isn't he dead?! _was the only thought running through her head.

Kensi started marching up to Callen as he tapped on the passenger window, telling the officer to go now that Sidorov was in the car.

"CALLEN!" shouted Kensi.

He spun around as the car started driving away, "What happened? Is everything alright? Is Deeks ok?"

"Where is he going?!"

"Who? Deeks?"

"No! Sidorov! Where is he going?" Kensi demanded.

"Granger said to keep him downtown in the CIA precinct. Keep a low—whoa! Where are you going?"

As soon as he said the words downtown, Kensi spun around and started walking to her car. As she was taking out her keys she felt Callen catch up to her and put a hand on her elbow. "Let go," she hissed.

But he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him, "Where are you going?" he asked again.

"I'm going to kill the son of a bitch!" Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to get out of Callen's grip, but he only made his hold on her stronger. "Now let go!"

"No! Kensi, do you want to go to jail? He's out of our jurisdiction. The CIA and FBI and who knows who else over at Washington want him."

"I don't care!" Her voice cracked as she screamed and tears started streaming down her face. "He hurt Deeks! He beat him! He tortured him! What if he-?" She couldn't finish that sentence as she choked on her sob.

"Kensi," Callen said softly and pulled her into an unexpected hug, the tears and dirt and sweat on her face making his shirt even grimier as she cried into it, "get it together."

Typical Callen. What was that supposed to do? Make her laugh? Only Deeks could make her laugh when she was feeling like crap. That thought only made her sob harder.

Perhaps he sensed that because he then changed tactics. "Look, Kensi, Deeks needs you with him, not in jail."

He was right. And she needed Deeks, and she couldn't be with him if she was in jail.

A few minutes later, after she finally composed herself, she pulled away from Callen and wiped her tear stained cheeks. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just…me and Deeks….Deeks and I….well, we're partners and –"

"Just stop," he said with a glint in his eye, "I know."

Kensi cocked her head to the side and asked confusedly, "What? You _know_?"

"Your comms were on." He simply stated with a smirk.

Her mouth dropped open.

"Now, c'mon. Let's go to the hospital. I'll drive," he took her keys from her hand. "You should be there when he wakes up."

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed and put this in their favorites and alerts! Really means a lot! Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!**


	3. Chapter 3

Around the second hour of waiting, it started pouring outside.  
Kensi has been sitting in the waiting room of the hospital for two hours now staring blankly at the rain streaming down the wide window in front of her. Callen was sitting next to her, watching the muted tv. Or sleeping with his eyes open. She could never tell with him.

-X-X-

Around the third hour, a doctor walked up to them.  
Callen and Kensi stood up immediately.

"Any news?" Callen asked.

"Mr. Hanna is in a recovery room now, resting. His injuries were severely internal. He's lucky some of his nerves weren't fried," the doctor replied, glancing at the clipboard in his hand.

Kensi gulped and couldn't help but imagine how many more internal injuries Deeks could have in addition to his external beatings.

"The only thing that can heal him right now is rest. His wife is with him, and he's probably asleep, but you are welcome to see him if you'd like. He's in room 135."

"Thank you, Doctor." Called said, dismissing him.

As the doctor started walking away, Kensi followed him. "Dr Anderson," he stopped and looked at her, "do you have any updates on Marty-Martin Deeks?

Thunder rumbled through the building as the doctor looked down at his clipboard and flipped a page.

"Ah, yes. Here he is-oh." He suddenly stopped and then flipped to another page.

"Oh? What-what do you mean?" Kensi asked as the familiar panicking feeling started emerging.

"Well, he's out of surgery from the bullet wound. But he has some severe head wounds, so he's still in intensive care. They're also having a dental surgeon come in soon to examine his  
mouth."

Kensi didn't say anything-_couldn't_ say anything, but the doctor just kept staring at her waiting for a response, so she gave him a little head nod. The doctor nodded in return, said, "I'll keep you updated," turned around and left.

-X-X-

In the fourth hour, Eric and Nell showed up.

Kensi and Callen already visited Sam (the doctor was right, he was asleep), so Callen updated them on his current status. When they asked about Deeks, Called relayed the information he must have overheard from Kensi's conversation with the doctor.

After all their questions were answered, Nell passed Kensi a duffle bag she carried in with her. Eric did the same for Callen.

"Here's a change of clothes," she said, "we didn't think you'd want to be wearing those clothes all day."

Kensi looked down at what she was wearing currently. Her blue button-up was literally covered in blood, sweat, and tears. She gave a tight lipped smile, "Thanks, I'll go change then."

Once Kensi was inside the stall of the bathroom, she ripped off her clothes. She wished she could shower, just to get this day off her, or rather _that place_ off her. That place where so many horrible things happened to her partner. But she didn't want to go to her house just to shower. She didn't want to leave the hospital. She didn't want to leave Deeks. Not again.

She opened the duffle bag and saw a pair of jeans and a grey v-neck. As she picked up the shirt from the bag she noticed some sweat pants and a zip up hoodie as well. She opted to wear the sweats instead of the jeans and she threw on the hoodie over the v-neck.

As she looked in the mirror after washing her face, she gazed at the shell of herself. Not only was she exhausted and sugar deprived, she felt like something was missing.

Well, she knew what was missing, or rather, who.

Her past self would've laughed at her, how pathetic.

But her current self didn't care. He was her partner. Her best friend. She trusted him with everything, and she was ready to admit that she was even ready to trust him with her heart.

-X-X-

Somewhere in the fifth hour of waiting, Michelle went home to take care of her daughter. Nell and Eric got called back to Ops by Granger for some secret intel mission.

It was still raining.

Kensi was still waiting.

-X-X-

Late into the sixth hour.

Kensi was getting restless.

It was now almost eleven at night and there was still no news.

She didn't know how Callen could just sit there so calmly. He's visited Sam a couple times, but other than that he was just sitting there. Kensi kept shaking her foot, or bouncing her knee, or pacing the waiting room.

This was ridiculous. She needed information.

She started walking towards the nurse's station to ask where Dr. Anderson's office was, but just then that said doctor came into the waiting room. Callen noticed too and got up to meet him.

"Good news," the doctor started out. Kensi immediately felt relief wash over her. "We deemed Mr. Deeks stable enough to move to a room. He's in 218. Now, visiting hours are over,"

Kensi glared at him. No way was he going to stop her from seeing Deeks, "but you don't seem like you care about that, so here's a visitor's pass." He passed her a small piece of paper that was sticky on the back so she could put it on her shirt. He looked at Callen, "Seeing that it's after hours, only one of you can go. Sorry."

Callen nodded understandably. "Go on, Kensi."

She nodded and raced to the elevator.

-X-X-

A minute into the seventh hour, she opened Deeks' hospital room door. The small lamp on the bedside table was on so she could see him.

His bandaged torso, his casted arm, his bruised cheeks, and -o_h my God._

Kensi didn't know if it was from exhaustion, or lack of food, or just relief in seeing him just breathing, but she busted out laughing.

_They cut his hair._

He was _not _going to like this when he woke up.

_XXX_

**A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry for the long wait for posting, I just started a summer class and it takes up a lot of my time. Thanks for all the reviews and favorites and follows! **


	4. Chapter 4

But then she stopped laughing immediately about his new military-like hair cut when she saw why.

His head was slightly turned towards her when she walked into the room, but as she started walking around his bed she could see that a piece of gauze was taped starting from behind his left ear to almost all the way to the other side, as if he fell backwards on something when they were torturing him. He also had a bandage on his right temple and above his left eyebrow.  
The parts of his skin that weren't covered in bandages seemed to be dyed purple from bruises.

Kensi inhaled deeply and took a seat in the chair next to his bed. This was going to be a long night.

-X-X-

The first time he woke up, he knew he was safe.

And he was 90 percent sure he wasn't dreaming.

If he was still locked up, he'd feel pain, and honestly, he couldn't feel anything right now. He hoped that was from the drugs the hospital had him on, and not because of any amputations.  
He tried opening his eyes, but they would not cooperate with him. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but that too was a no-go.  
_How strong were these drugs?_ He asked himself, frustrated.

-X-X-

It was now 3 in the morning. Kensi's eyes were starting to close. Now that she was with Deeks she felt the total effects of the last couple of days weighing on her. She could use a couple hours of sleep. She got up to turn off the bedside lamp when she saw Deeks' hand twitch.  
Kensi's eyes widened as she got closer to his bedside and grabbed the hand. "Deeks?" She whispered.

-X-X-

Deeks felt someone take hold of his hand.  
"Deeks?" He heard. It was Kensi.  
He was fighting to give her some sign that he heard her. He needed her to know that he was here. He tried squeezing her hand with his.

-X-X-

His hand twitched in hers again.  
Kensi searched his face, wanting some movement that showed that he was present. She could see his eyes moving back and forth under his eye lids.  
Perhaps he was just having a bad dream.  
"You're going to be ok, Deeks." Tears welled in her eyes as she said that. She wanted him to be ok so badly. "You'll be ok..."

-X-X-

She was talking to him again, but his consciousness was starting to slip away as he drifted back to sleep.

-X-X-

The second time he woke up, the sun was rising. He surprisingly pried his eyes open enough to see the light.  
His eyes immediately fell onto Kensi. She was hunched over in her chair, her forehead resting on the edge of his bed, and she was still holding his hand.  
He tried to say something but his mind and mouth stilled seemed to be not functioning together. He wanted to say hi, her name, how much her neck was going to hurt if she kept sleeping like that, or anything really. He just wanted her to wake up and see her face.  
He felt his eyes starting to close again, the rising sun making him squint.  
He hated this. Hated being so weak that a simple blink exhausted him. He couldn't even sigh in frustration. It was like he was trapped in his own mind, he thought as he submitted to sleep once more.

-X-X-

It was now almost noon.  
The nurse was nice enough to let Kensi take a quick shower in the bathroom that was connected to Deeks' room, so now she didn't reek of bad memories. Even though Deeks wasn't awake yet, the nurse also brought in a tray of food and said, "just in case."  
Kensi took it as "just in case _you_ get hungry" so she helped herself to the lime flavored jello.  
She ate her snack while standing and staring out the window. The sun was shining brightly, no trace of the rain from yesterday.  
As she was finishing the last bit of the small jello cup, she heard "Am I dead?"

"DEEKS!" Kensi spun around and practically ran to his bedside. She could finally see his blue eyes again.

"Am I dead?" He asked again, his voice quieter than usual and very groggy. "I feel like I should be dead."

"You aren't getting rid of me that easily." Kensi replied, repeating what she said to him the last time he was in the hospital.

"Do I know you?" He asked with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Very funny, Deeks." Kensi grabbed Deeks' hand with both of hers, jello cup forgotten and dropped on the floor in surprise when she heard his voice. "Let's not make this a habit."

He then cracked a crooked smile, "They could never break my funny bone." He cleared his throat, "how are you?"

"_Me_? I should be asking you that! Are you feeling ok? Do you want me to get a nurse? Actually, I probably should go call one. Do you think-?"

"You ate my jello." He cut her off.

"Well, you weren't awake yet."

"So that gives you permission to eat my jello?"

"Yes."

"Touché. But you still didn't answer my question, how are you?"

Kensi took a deep breath and looked away from Deeks. "Better," she looked back into Deeks' eyes. "Now that you're awake."

"Well, I promised."

"I'm glad you did."

And then they just stared at each other for a couple seconds before Deeks was surprisingly the

first to look away.

"So how's Sam?" He asked, still not looking at Kensi.

"He's ok. His heart is a little..._sporadic_ at times, but the doctors think he'll be ok."  
"Good. That's good." He said while looking at his hand laced with Kensi's. "And me?" He asked, finally looking back into Kensi's face. "What do the doctors say about me?"

"Honestly, they haven't told me anything. The doctor just said you were stable enough to move to a room." She gave him a weak smile, "And you look alright…despite the bullet wound…and cracked ribs…and broken arm…"

"Oh, is that all?" He asked sarcastically.

"And...um, Deeks...maybe you should look in a mirror..."

"Wait, what?" He dropped her hand and started touching his face, "what's wrong with it? Mouth, nose, two eyes, Kensi, what's-?" Then he froze as he touched his ear. "My...my hair?"

Kensi took out her phone and switched the camera view so it was like a mirror. She held it in front of Deeks' face. "Deeks, it's only hair, it'll-"

And then he started laughing. "I haven't had my hair like this since I was, like, five!" He turned his head slightly to the side and could now see the taped gauze. His smile faltered as he traced the beginning of the tape with his fingertips and he took in the purple hue of his face from all the bruises. "This is so bizarre," he said in a quieter voice. Kensi saw sadness cloud his eyes, and something else…fear, perhaps? "I feel like this is like…"

"A bad dream?" Kensi finished for him.

"Exactly. Except this is real. I'm not waking up."

_X_X_

**A/N: So…Deeks is obviously a lot more hurt emotionally than he's letting on. Stay tuned!**

**And thanks for all the lovely reviews and favorites and follows! **


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